By Simian Ninja
There is a long, time-honored tradition in the entertainment world of hideous, repugnant,
disgusting men inexplicably spawning unbelievably beautiful, luscious, hot daughters. There was
Klaus Kinski who begat Nastassja Kinski… Tommy Chong who begat Rae Dawn Chong… Lewis Arquette
who begat both Rosanna and Patricia Arquette… Steven Tyler who begat Liv Tyler… Brandon Maggart
who begat Fiona Apple… Steven Segal who begat Ayako Fujitani… Jon Voigt who begat Angelina Jolie…
Ravi Shankar who begat Norah Jones… The list goes on and on. Perhaps the most startling example of
this trend is acclaimed Italian horror film director (and undeniably sickening-looking man) Dario
Argento. Yes, the (ugly) man who gave us “Suspiria”, “Trauma” and a not-very-good remake of “Phantom
of The Opera” also gave us this month’s Sci-Fi Ninja Theater Babe: the crotch-punishingly delectable
Asia Argento.
The dark hair, the seductive sloe eyes, the full lips and the astonishingly bountiful breasts, legs and
ass on this gorgeous, whorish wop speak for themselves (as is in evidence in these pictures). Asia, in
addition to having an on-screen sex scene with famously ugly thespian Willem Dafoe, has appeared nude
in more magazine photo shoots and films (including some of her father’s!) than I can list here. A good
starting point for anyone looking to get their wank on to Asia would be her directorial debut, “Scarlet
Diva”… So much of her nude body is on display in this film that you may well be sedated into forgetting
what an arrogant, ostentatious, pretentious piece of shit it is.
Finally, I know how much many of you out there (our own Vinny Vlado included) love tattoos on women.
I must say here and now that I don’t. I hate them. I think that they needlessly cover up what is already
one of the greatest works of art: the nude body of a woman. The more tattoos there are, the less naked a
woman looks when her clothes come off. That having been said, I will point out that Asia Argento has one
of the most bothersome, ill conceived, poorly placed, and altogether distracting tattoos in history…
namely, one of a huge angel sitting on her belly, below her navel and above her cooter. Now, don’t get
me wrong, Asia is more than hot enough to warrant ignoring the damn tattoo and jumping right into her
sweet, sweet honey pot with abandon. However, I find it really upsetting on an aesthetic level.
What do you folks think? Tattoo or no tattoo?